Brad’s Corner is a monthly commentary written by Brad about whatever he feels like. It’s supposed to be funny, interesting and thought provoking, but most geniuses are misunderstood. Check out the October 2004 edition of Brad’s Corner and see what’s on his mind.
So I was in a wedding last month and it got me to thinking how they have changed since I was a little kid. Sure, Catholic weddings have always just been a huge excuse to get hammered and mingle with people you see all the time. Whereas Baptist weddings tend to be less exciting than a putt putt golf tournament ON TV! But, nowadays they are so much more. As a child, I have no recollection of ice sculptures, umpteen groomsmen and bridesmaids, unity candles, weird frilly things, and long drawn out sermons about how the ring represents the unity of life and the couple. Maybe it’s because I was busy harassing my mom, not paying attention, playing with building fund offering envelopes and annoying the old people in front of me, but I just don’t think people had all that hoopla back in the day.
People now spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on weddings. Why? If it was up to me, I’d save all that money, do the Vegas or J.P. thing and then have a big ass party. The worst part of the whole wedding process is taking pictures. Especially if it’s a summer wedding or since we’re in Texas even January because it gets so damn hot in those tux’s and I’m sure the ladies are burning up in those ugly dresses. Why must we get there three hours early to have some jackass pose us for stupid pictures the bride/groom aren’t going to buy? “Alright fellas, now one with the sunglasses leaning to the left, 2 of you smile, 4 of you don’t etc etc.” Well, chief, I’ve got a posing idea for you how about you take a picture of my middle finger and use in your studio to display how good your work is. In actuality, the reception’s the only important part, or at least it is to the guys. Well, that and the bachelor party. Yet, that’s a whole ‘nother story. I’m from a small town and I’ve been to weddings in tiny towns and big cities. Small town weddings are different. You run into more people you don’t want to see than you do, you have ex girlfriends, teachers, neighbors, that smelly kid from the 3rd grade, people who used to be nerds but have now had their extreme makeover by removing their glasses, and ladies that were so old when you were young you thought they’d died 20 years ago.
I believe Rodney Carrington summed it up best when he said just make sure there’s beer and whiskey when the sh*t’s over with. And isn’t that the truth. It’s the last few hours married people will have their lives as they know it. Sure, they’ve lived together, dated for a while, combined bank accounts and all that good stuff. However, something strange seems to happen to people I’ve known who got married the minute they get back from their honeymoon. Aside from being sore from all the reading and studying they did while on their honeymoon, marriage seems to age them 40 years. All of a sudden 2 of the wildest, craziest partying people you’ve ever known make old Jewish people in Miami seem like Kid Rock.
Right here on Galleywinter we’re having couple after couple get married or engaged. All I can say is good luck to Amanda/Michael, Aaron/Sheila, Meg/Scott, and everyone else. I plan to join you one day after I turn 30!
-Speaking of Rodney Carrington he has his new sitcom out now. Better than I thought it’d be but it’s still no Emeril. If Rodney’s lucky the show’s ratings will be as good as Chevy Chase’s were!
-Staying on the marriage theme, Britney Spears got married last month. Man, is that guy lucky. He’s married to the world’s biggest sex symbol, which just happens to be: vapid, on a downward career spiral, immature, unhappy and less committed to relationships than J-Lo.
-So, last month I suffered from a bit of burnout. Galleywinter wore me out like a young boy running from Michael Jackson. It all just hit me at once. Work, Galley, girls, rumors, family crap. It was like I morphed into Hog for a week. Thankfully, me and Hog are doing fine now!
-If you haven’t seen it yet, do yourself a favor and check out the Warren Brothers “Barely Famous” on CMT. The funniest reality moments I’ve seen since Ozzy first stammered across my screen and yelled “Sharon!”
-If you’re looking to kill some time while looking at something funny, and know I don’t mean Stu’s avatar, please visit Ebaum’s world. (www.ebaumsworld.com) They have some of the most hilarious videos online anywhere. Some of my favorites are the next action hero, the QVC clips, G Dub drunk at the wedding reception and anything with monkeys.
-I heard a rumor that F Co was breaking up the band so that Ryan and Cody could move to Las Vegas and take over for Siegfried and Roy. I haven’t got a confirmation on that. I’ll let you know as soon as I get some information.
-This month’s movie in honor the article’s theme is: American Wedding. It’s hilarious, possibly my favorite of the American Pie trilogy. Stiffler steals the show as the bumbling best man.
-This month’s recommended album is: Honeybrowne Live at the Satellite Lounge.
-Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.—Mark Twain.